Your other half is horsey and they’ve been harping on about the Olympics and some woman called Charlotte with a posh surname.
Frankly, you couldn’t care less about whether Great Britain or Germany win the horse dancing medals, but you’ve been making interested noises at all the right points, so your other half now thinks you are, in fact, interested.
Conundrum. You know there’s no way out of watching lots of horses on the TV pretty soon, and worse…they’re going to expect you to have something to say about it. No worries - non-horsey people of the world, we’ve got your back!
So whether to appease the horsey other half, or to impress them, here’s your guide on how to fake your way through the Olympics.
Read these sayings, memorise them, then just blurt them out at (hopefully) the right time. Nobody will be any the wiser, we promise.
If dressage is happening (yep, the one with no jumping over things) then here are a few key phrases. Always start with something generic;
‘The Brits are looking really good this year’
‘Do you think the Germans will take gold?’
‘It’ll be tough to beat the London performances’
Move on to some easy observations. Watch any test where your horsey partner looks impressed, and at the end, say something like ‘that horse has excellent cadence’ or ‘the extensions were amazing’.
If she follows up with a yes, you’ve done good. If the answer is that no, Charlotte is not making it a double, don’t panic. Just say ‘Kristina Sprehe has been in really good form, hasn’t she?’ and leave it at that. Walk away for a second and keep your cool. Then return, nod your head approvingly at Charlotte’s score (unless she falls off, it will be a good one) and murmur ‘well done.